Leotardo News


Leotardo Speaks Out About the Oscars:
"That Damn Whore, Robin Williams..."

Upon not receiving the Best Actor nomination for his striking performance in the highly successful Highpanic, the winter blockbuster about a sinking inflatable raft in a neighbor's swimming pool, Leotardo was left all wet. "This is outrageous!" steamed the 23-year-old actor. "I did a lot of running around and getting wet in that film! Dammit! I deserve that baby!" Leotardo, who is normally perceived as a cool, even-tempered guy, was seen throwing chunks of horse dung at the invitees from a tall building near the awards ceremony.

"This is really sad," a spokesperson for the Academy stated after Celine Dion got pelted with a piece of hard horsie moonkie stink. After the ceremony, Leotardo's director James Camera stated "Who the hell cares? I cleaned up, baby! I'm God of the Universe--Wha-hooooo!" Shortly after saying that, Mr. Camera received a fatal dookie to the head, causing the award-winning director to collapse dead on the sidewalk. Helen Hunt was quoted as saying,"This is as good as it gets. If he is God, he'll be back making movies in three days."

It was two hours and twenty-three minutes later that a screaming, rabid Leotardo was pulled down from atop the high building. He was immediately shipped away to the Steven Spielberg Clinic for recovering Academy-snuffed nominees. As they stuffed him into the police van, Leo's last shrieking words were: "When I get out, I'm going to go good will hunting for Robin, and Jack, and all their little Oscar friends, and leave their stinking rotten hearts at the bottom of the ocean!"